Cubone - The Gambling Historian!

At the age of 71 I am astounded that I will not meet my maker with a perfectly clean slate, I now have a criminal record. to report. that is sad because, although I was born in the worst slum in the Centre of Brum I have never been charged with any criminal offence,,,,, well I tell a little fib.
I was 24 years of age I had been to watch Birmingham Play the dreaded Villa, it was a win for the Blues and the Birmingham Power Flowers, of which I was one were invited back to Eddie Futeralls, first Night Club the Bermuda,
As I walked in I was looking forward to my first Bacardi and Coke. as I walked towards the bar i took the Cake out of trouser pocket, (4 £5 Notes raped round a toilet role). and ordered a drink.

At the very time the front door to the club was smashed through and a team of Summer Lane coppers, raided the club.

“Everyone sit were you are and put your hands behind your backs, leave the drinks they will be tested for alcholol.”

It was hilarious , every one was in good spirits if you dont mind the pun.

I looked at Eddie who was in an arm lock by some 21 year old Copper.who wasnt very good at it.

“EDDIE I DIDNT KNOW TONIGHT WAS A FANCY DRESS PARTY”

The crowd about 200 revelers, erupted in laughter.

AS soon as I saw the eyes of the Chief Inspector in charge I knew I had made an error in judgement and was in for a kicking.

Within 2 minutes I was picked off the floor and slung in the back of a Black Maria. the Chief Inspector him self had taken an instant dislike to me,

“The Charge Drunk and Disordely”
The fine at the time for a first offence was £5.
Next morning following a very eventful evening I was found guilty and fined £37.

Well to this day I have never been able to control my big Gob.have I.

I hate Fools, Half wide Mugs, nasty individuals who are jelous. anyone who dont love there mother. and of course Coppers.

Since The introduction of Internet Forums, I double hate, Cyber Coppers,

” He has swore at me ” he is Spamming” he has two user names,”

a person who argues with a user name, and then reports him for any abuse other than racism. then they neads to look carefully at his own make up.
If I was a psyiciatrist I could see the type who does this sort of thing

Sexually inadequit, small had spots on his face as a child single parent family, pressed the wrong but one day when trying to lay a 1.6 loser. and the backer of Devon Loch.

So you can emajine when I received an Email from the Internet Police informing me that even without a trial I had been sentenced to 3 months internment in Chit Chat.

The Carpet, (3 Months) has always been a sentence given to first time, dillinquants, the 3 months being the time that it would take a convict to stitch a RUG for his cell.

However after 6 years of impecable service to Betfair, 3 years to Queen and Country, in her majestys Royal Air Forse,and the remainder to my wife and Children I had to appeal the severity of the sentence. At first I intended to have 1000 tea Shirts with “Get Cubone Out” but changed my mind.

I could have pulled rank with my old pall Andrew Black but I thought it wasnt fair to involve the great man,.who spends all day playing Monopoly with his wife with real money.

When the Betfair Police came to call all the grand kids were in tears as I was frog marched to what appeared to be the same Black Maria, used in the 50s. it stunk of Eurine, Blood all over inside panelling.and it was clear that the last inmate had had very short hair or if not some prositute from Denmark had received a very internal examination.

I had known something was up, so I had dressed, with a small hand case, containing my shaving equipment, and a book called. “How to Cheat on the Internet”

My tie was taken off me along with my shoe laces.

Complaints do not go down very well. in prisons, however the first day here my pal lucky 15 who seemed to know the proceedures, managed to get me a message from one of his Liverpool clients, with a Coral Betting slip. inside a stale Easter Friday, Bun. fortunatly. I was placed with an old Lifer. who happened to be the Prison Bookie, this was a massive advantage, he not only took bets he took Lucky 15,s when asked if he offered 3 times for one winner,the best price or SP. he whispered you will be lucky to get your money. if you back 1 winner never mind a bonus.,

As we speak I am on my second day, and Winsone Green is full of strangers, I thought, they would have trouble understanding my Yam Yam Accent, of “How yam gooing mi mate” but a mix of Somarlian, and West Brom, sounds like Italian Back Slang from the Bright Rock Eera.

The third member of the cell.in Block H. is a Young Black hat, Computor, Hacker, so good on a computor, that he tells me that he is so far andvanced when he bets in running, he is still getting on the National Winner. he informs me that he will soon find out who the Stalker was in the Betfair Forum who reported me, I will have to pay him a Visit as it is imperative that I get the chance to oppologise in person. for my foul language.

Speak again, soon, what with the Olypics comming up shortly, and the Bejing, Smog and Heat, being a massive disadvantage, to any other than a Bejingion , there will be some emazing value.

Night God Bless, this smell reminds me of the Skunk that caused me to be here in the first place. here I go again. wont I ever learn

Don Cubone.

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